Thursday, November 29, 2007

Seasonal Employment

So Jen and I got part time, seasonal jobs to help us pay off some debt. We're hoping that we might one day be able to pay off the massive debt we accumulated in the pursuit of our four useless degrees (between the two of us). She's working at a temp agency. It's tough for her and she's tired when she comes home from work.

This is how I feel about my job...

Monday, October 29, 2007

Did I say that out loud?

You know you've checked out of your job when, in response to a co-worker's suggestion about a particular course of action, you utter the following:

"You might want to try to get [boss] to pimp that one, because my pimp hand isn't strong enough for that."

Countdown to new employment: 9 days

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Intelligence

Intelligence: n
  1. Wait until late June to address the broken air conditioning in the building, leaving my office to roast at over 100 degrees until almost Independence Day.
  2. Turn the air conditioning off September 1, when the temperature outside is still quite warm. Temp in my office: 103.
  3. In response to complaints, wait for temperature to dip into the 60s, then turn the a/c back on. Temp in my office: 40.
  4. In response to complaints, turn on heat in the building. Temp outside creeps back into the 80s. Temp in my office: 105.
  5. Temp outside continues to rise. Heat is still on. People complain vociferously.
  6. Facilities responds by turning on the heat for the second floor and the a/c for the first floor. Temp on first floor: 40. Temp on second floor: 95. temp in my office: 101.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Screaming

Me: Did I tell you? We might move to the bigger office downstairs soon.
My Student Assistant (MSA): Really?
ME: Yeah. It's the one with windows.
MSA: Is there room for a jousting ring?
Me: Probably.
MSA: Awesome.

(pause)

MSA: Wait...Can we shut the office door to keep all the screaming in side?
Me: Um ... What do you plan to do in this new office?
MSA: I don't know. But I'm not gonna be the one screaming.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

756


Josh Gibson is unimpressed.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Harry Potter Spoilers

I found these spoilers online Highlight the following text, if you dare:

"1. The boat sinks.
2. Harry sees dead people.
3. Hermione, really a guy.
4. Kreacher killed him in the conservatory with a lead pipe.
5. Voldemort is blown up after a rag tag bunch of fighters shoot a photon torpedo up his hidden vent hole.
6: The death eaters were created when the ministry tried to pacify an entire planet using an airborne drug.
7: Hagrid is shot off of the owl tower by biplanes.
8: Harry originally got his magic when he took the red pill.
9: Dobby throws his sock into the volcano.
10: Voldemort got his power when a cursed spider bit him.
11: Harry and Hermionie, twins separtaed at birth. Oh yeah, and Voldemort's his dad.
12: Hagrid's zoo gets out of control, takes over the island.
13: Monkeys.
14: He uses the wall of the outhouse as a sail.
15: Draco uses the magic amulet to wipe out all the vampires.
16: Rosebud is a broom.
17: Snape is really Tyler Durden.
18: Hogsmead is actually in the middle of downtown London, but no one knows it.
19: Harry is saved by a living statue sent back in time by himself.
20: Hagrid tunnels out using a little rock hammer hidden in Hogwarts, a history.
21: Neville is Kaiser Soze
22: It's Mrs Weasley's head in the box they give to Mr. weasley.
23: Everyone is arrested at the castle after a cop car pulls up and takes them off to jail.
24: Lucius Malfoy gets lost in the maze and freezes to death.
25: The entire D.A. dies defending the bridge.
26: Luna blows the monster out the airlock. She is wearing only her underwear
27: Voldemort is really just part of Snape's split personality.
28: Hogwarts is just a modern nature preserve.
29: Ron, Hermione, and Harry sit in Hogsmeade drinking butter Beer. One after another, Death eaters enter the bar, giving the trio menacing looks. Voldemort walks in and orders an apple pie. Harry puts a tune on the Jukebox and then ... the last 11 pages of Book 7 are blank.
30: Taking a cue from Fox television, Bloomsbury cancels the release of book 7 due to a false perception of falling sales.
"

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Blur

The Big Spoon called me today to return the book of sheet music Jen and I had given him prior to the wedding in hopes that he'd be able to work out some of the songs on guitar and play them at the ceremony. He didn't have the time (which was perfectly fine), and he just now got around to giving the book of songs back to me.

We ate lunch together and, after he left, I retreated to my office, opened the book of music, and attempted to see how much my sight reading skills had diminished since last I picked up Ye Olde Trumpete. I put the cd into my computer, looked for the fastest, most difficult song in the book, hit play, and hoped I'd be able to follow along with trumpet fingerings in my brain as the music played.

But I never got the chance. As the music sped forward, I realized that my eyesight has deteriorated to the point where I can no longer distinguish which notes are on the line and which are in the spaces. And I can't tell if a marking is a sharp or just an accidental.

This means I can't play the trumpet anymore. I'm only 29 and I already have to acquiesce to old age.

It's not devastating. I don't play music professionally. in fact, I've only busted out Ye Olde Trumpete a few times since I played in college, and I sound more and more like a dying cow each time. But it certainly is a sad thing to learn that what was once such an integral part of my life will never be again, no matter how much I want it to, unless I get new eyeballs or spontaneously learn how to play free form jazz.

Sad.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Marriage and Old Farts

Hey there, people. It's been a while since last I spoke, and a lot has happened in the interim. I've moved twice, I got married, and I spent an entire day at work listening to old broadcasts of "A Prairie Home Companion" online. That last one might sound lame to you, but who cares what you think, eh? It's better than listening to the drunken lady next door habitually call her insurance company to swear at them about their overinflated rates.

I liked the show so much, I even sent in a letter, which I usually only do when I'm mad about something (and rarely at that). And wouldn't you know it, they put my letter on the front page with a response from GK his self! Either that or they had some lowly intern do it. As of this post, my letter is #2 on the front page here, but you can still read it here once that goes the way of the dodo.

Marriage is good, too. I'd like to tell you all about the things I've learned thus far in my career as a newly minted husband. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for me), that kind of knowledge isn't safe for all audiences.

Try getting that image out of your mind. I dare you!

P.S.
I started counting backwards once I hit 27 so, yes, I'm still in my mid-twenties. Shut the hell up.