Friday, December 16, 2005

A Return to Normalcy?

"At Globo Gym, we're better than you. And we know it!" - White Goodman

I visited the doctor this week in response to the ear monster episode, and even without the earache the results were less than pleasant. It seems I have gained fifty pounds since graduation. That's a little more than three bolwing balls. Or a skinny fifth grader. Or maybe even that collection of unread newspapers your lazy assed neighbor left sitting on his porch. Fifty pounds; such is the aftereffect of a love affair with pizza.

I sat at my desk this morning, dreaming of the days when I had time to go outside and walk for hours on end. Back when I was in college, after I got on the whole weight loss kickand went from an elephantesque 360 to a anorexic-elephantesque 238, I used to walk everywhere. I would do a mile or so in the morning to wake up, then another two miles across a hilly landscape during my lunch break (at 9:00pm, it was second shift), and then a full four and half miles when I got home just after midnight. That doesn't include walking between classes and at work. The last time I went for a walk around here I almost got run over by a car, and it was so cold outside I had to run back home to avoid catching frostbite on my head where my hair used to be. I then proceeded to trip over a sewer grate, and ended up spraining my ankle. But today, as I sat imotionless in my cube, I dreamt of endless walks through miles of wooded sidestreets and brisk walks up large hills that made your heart race and your head so damp. Yes. I actually dreamt of exercising today. You see, for those of us who exercise on a regular basis (or, in my case, used to), it can become addictive. You have those first few minutes of resistance, and then the endophins kick in. Then you're sky high, on top of the world, and nothing can get you down.

Except maybe a sewer grate. But that goes without saying.

So today I gave in and purchased a membership at Lifetime fitness. They're open 24/7 and the closest location is across the street from work. They have a million treadmills, weight benches, exerbikes, saunas, and elaborate cable machines that specialize in working obscure muscles I never knew existed. And, most importantly, they have hot women in spandex! (Did I just say that out loud? YES!)

I don't know if I'm going to loose weight. That will also require that I change my eating habits. I'm just glad that I finally have something to do other that sit at home and wade the webernet on my computor box. And at least with this I don't have to worry about getting run over by a car.


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