Monday, September 26, 2005

Can't See

It would seem that once again, my eyeballs are not working properly and I am forced to change the setting for Text Size from “Moderately Large” to “Just give up and try to learn brail.” Three minutes ago, I caught myself leaning in close to my monitor in order to read the words printed thereon much like a 90 year old lady trying to navigate her 1975 Lincoln Mark 4 down the narrow streets and sidestreets of my neighborhood. This discovery, along with many others, has lead to a harrowing thought: no woman will ever be interested in me.

Let’s do the rundown here. Just so you can follow along.

Fat…check
Bald….check
Makes less than $30K….check
Can’t see worth shit….check
A complete lack of fashion sense….CHECK!

If I hadn’t told you I was 27, you might think I was pushing 90 (and still talking about how Woodrow Wilson ruined the great dream that was The Republic of America). I am old before my time. I am a worthless human being! Yay for me!

Now shut the hell up ya whippersnappers. Mitch Miller’s on.

4 comments:

Ronni said...

YOU ARE SO NOT WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!

I heart you, Joe. :) See ya tomorrow.

P.S. I linked you on my LJ, so I can make sure to visit your blog regularly. YAY.

The Sasquatch said...

Alright! More readers. Giggity giggity giggity!

Soon I will have every blogger on the internet hooked into my words. Then I will subtlly manipulate their brain functions through hypnoses and subliminal messages.

Then I will finally take over the world!

Right, Pinky?

jimi said...

uhhh....who's Mitch Miller?

The Sasquatch said...

Mitch miller: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Miller

He produced a lot of easy listening favorites from the '50s. Just the kind of music an old fogey like me would listen to were I actually an old fogey