It would seem that once again, my eyeballs are not working properly and I am forced to change the setting for Text Size from “Moderately Large” to “Just give up and try to learn brail.” Three minutes ago, I caught myself leaning in close to my monitor in order to read the words printed thereon much like a 90 year old lady trying to navigate her 1975 Lincoln Mark 4 down the narrow streets and sidestreets of my neighborhood. This discovery, along with many others, has lead to a harrowing thought: no woman will ever be interested in me.
Let’s do the rundown here. Just so you can follow along.
Makes less than $30K….check
Can’t see worth shit….check
A complete lack of fashion sense….CHECK!
If I hadn’t told you I was 27, you might think I was pushing 90 (and still talking about how Woodrow Wilson ruined the great dream that was The Republic of America). I am old before my time. I am a worthless human being! Yay for me!
Now shut the hell up ya whippersnappers. Mitch Miller’s on.